MARYSVILLE – The holidays can be a difficult time for adults who have recently lost a friend or loved one, but they can be even harder for teenagers.

“Big changes in one’s regular routine, such as the time away from school and friends during Christmas break, may play a role in re-exacerbating grief,” said psychologist Tim Reisenauer, a member of Immaculate Conception Parish in Everett. “Every teen differs, of course.”

Reisenauer and his wife, Dr. Elizabeth Marshall, spoke to local teens soon after the Oct. 24 shootings at Marysville Pilchuck High School that left five students dead.

“We wanted to help,” said Marshall, a family practice physician with a master’s degree in theology. “Suffering is one of the main reasons people fall from God.”

The couple spoke to youth groups at St. Mary Parish in Marysville and to students at Archbishop Murphy High School in Everett. They used the Bible stories of Lazarus and Job to show teens where God is in a world of hurt — weeping with them. “God didn’t cause Lazarus to die,” Marshall said. “Jesus wept along with Martha, Mary and Lazarus’ friends.”

Marshall also uses the story to illustrate that even in suffering, people have choices. “Lazarus chose to come out of the cave, just as we have to choose to come out of ours,” she said. “The kids have a choice to stay in their cave of sadness or anger, or they can choose to come out and let Jesus comfort them.”

During a November youth group session at St. Mary Parish, it took a while for the kids to open up, said Amy Traugott, pastoral assistant for youth ministry. “At first, I think the kids didn’t know that they needed help or how to express what they were feeling,” she said. “But when we had them ask questions anonymously, that was the takeoff point for them to ask for help.”

The teens lingered after the group’s normal ending time, wanting to hear Marshall and Reisenauer answer more of their questions, she said.

“Grief needs to be dealt with,” Marshall said. “Kids need to let their feelings out and lament or get angry. God is big enough to handle our anger.”

Parents can help by openly listening to their teens if they want to talk about their feelings, “and gently asking their child if any unusual behavior they are seeing is connected to feelings of sorrow and loss,” Reisenauer said.

Reisenauer and Marshall are willing to visit any school or parish in the archdiocese that needs help. It’s a mission of theirs, Marshall said: “This is a message that is meant to be shared.”

Contact Dr. Elizabeth Marshall and Tim Reisenauer at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. document.getElementById('cloak4f218a8d402fd4bbcdc8c47c7ed0a8d5').innerHTML = ''; var prefix = 'ma' + 'il' + 'to'; var path = 'hr' + 'ef' + '='; var addy4f218a8d402fd4bbcdc8c47c7ed0a8d5 = 'summitcg' + '@'; addy4f218a8d402fd4bbcdc8c47c7ed0a8d5 = addy4f218a8d402fd4bbcdc8c47c7ed0a8d5 + 'premier1' + '.' + 'net'; var addy_text4f218a8d402fd4bbcdc8c47c7ed0a8d5 = 'summitcg' + '@' + 'premier1' + '.' + 'net';document.getElementById('cloak4f218a8d402fd4bbcdc8c47c7ed0a8d5').innerHTML += ''+addy_text4f218a8d402fd4bbcdc8c47c7ed0a8d5+''; .