Dear Kianna, Why shouldn’t I live with my fiancé before marriage? Isn’t it best to “test it out” before we get married?
– Engaged
Dear Engaged,
It is totally normal to wonder and ponder what it will be like to live with someone, especially because this is a huge lifestyle change. Having questions and even feeling a bit nervous is understandable.
But it’s so worth the wait!
When seeking to navigate the topic of living together, I like to focus on the deeper meaning and purpose of the gift of sharing daily life and Catholic marriage as a whole.
In marriage, husband and wife are joined at the altar of the Lord in a permanent, covenantal union, vowing to be faithful to one another in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honor each other all the days of their lives.
I promised to love my husband with my whole heart, mind and soul, not only forming a covenant with him but also with the Lord at the center of our relationship. The moment my husband and I spoke our vows in the presence of God, our two selves united as one. As Jesus says in Matthew 19:5-6: “For this reason … a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh …. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”
Once my husband and I received this beautiful sacrament, we were able to share in the joy of many new experiences together. It was the most amazing feeling to go home with my husband, the one I vowed my whole life to, for the very first time. He was no longer a boyfriend or fiancé, but my husband! Waking up the next morning and looking over to see my husband beside me was a priceless gift. Saving these experiences, along with everything else that comes with marriage, allowed us to truly feel the union of our covenant and the beauty of the commitment we made to each other and God.
When we were engaged, I remember thinking about the adjustments we would have to make when married since we were raised in different cultures and environments. There are lots of things you learn together when married — but that’s the fun part!
To circle back to your question: Waiting and saving everything for marriage, the moment when you form a permanent covenant with your spouse and the Lord, is the most beautiful and life-giving experience.
You can do it: I promise it’s worth it!
Northwest Catholic magazine — April/May 2024