I missed kindness this past year. We were stingy with our kindness, saving it mostly for those who clearly shared our values. And when I say “we,” I mean “me.”

Did you share my political stance? Or wear a mask at the proper times? Or get mad at all the things I got mad about? Well, then I was probably nice to you. If you didn’t — well, then, I gave you a piece of my mind.

I thought I had my fear under control, but maybe I was just afraid of different things. Yes, I was afraid of the virus, but I was more afraid of doing the wrong thing. The endless separation from people, from my routine and from my community skewed my vision. I wondered if I was losing too much of myself. Did I know how to relate to others anymore? Was I losing my rights? Was I forgetting who I am?

This fear made me unkind.

If I didn’t agree with or understand an interaction, I became reactionary. I’d lash out with rude and unneeded remarks. I wouldn’t even think about it. I wouldn’t take a breath; I’d just take a bite.

It was the smallest gesture that made me notice this all. A young boy, around 8 years old, who simply smiled and said hello to me as we passed each other on the street. I nearly broke into tears as I realized how defensive I had become. His small gesture of kindness picked away at my icy façade and I thought to myself, “Was it not God’s kindness that brought us to repentance?” (see Romans 2:4).

I need Jesus.

I am not kind by myself. It is only when I am close to Christ, when I surrender to him, let him guide me, that I am kind.

We know that kindness is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). We know that it was in kindness that God bestowed grace upon us (Ephesians 2:7). And even when correcting opponents, it should be done with kindness (2 Timothy 2:25). As Catholics, our kindness should be known to all (Philippians 4:5).

We need Jesus. We clearly cannot do this on our own. We are tired, worn thin. We don’t know the end of all this and are hitting our limit in new ways.

And then we remember the first time we experienced the kindness of Jesus. We were so incredibly lost, choking, grieving and suffocated. And Jesus appeared when we thought no one would, when we begged, when we were ready to give up. He felt like air when we couldn’t breathe, like water when we were parched, like kindness when the rest of the world was unkind.

As St. Paul writes, “We ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, deluded, slaves to various desires and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful ourselves and hating one another. But … the kindness and generous love of God our savior appeared, not because of any righteous deeds we had done but because of his mercy” (Titus 3:3-5).

It is time to live, once again, in that generous love and mercy. It is time to be generous with my kindness

Northwest Catholic – March 2021